| #1 Annihilator[46228] |
| ras1-p90.jlm.netvision.net.il |
Nice....... 8!
By the way, first comment!
Damn, I'm good at this!! |
| #2 Limp_Bizkit666[46231] |
| PPPa36-ResaleLosAngelesMetro7-2R7089.saturn.bbn.com |
EEEEK!
i would rate this now, but i need to go back and read the four other capters. =]
i know what happened in othere 4 "br"s dont really affect the score of this "br", but if i'm gonna read this, i better know wth is going on.
brb.. =]
byeeya
p.s-5 chapters and it's done? dope! |
| #3 <font color="red"><i> Executor </i></font>[46232] |
| cache3.ihug.co.nz |
This is cool man! I loved it! hehe The only bad part is that it is finished =[
10 |
| #4 Limp_Bizkit666[46239] |
| PPPa61-ResaleLosAngelesMetro5-5R7088.saturn.bbn.com |
dude, i just finished reading all five chapters....and one word sums it up...
"dope"... =]
hehe, i love these types of stories.. where the author leaves out the ending to the readers' imagination.. very R.L. Steinish.. =]
well, i only commented on you first chapter, and i think it tells what i feel..
instead of the story being told in a third person form, i think it would have been a better reading, and more reaslitic if calvin told the story...
many details were leeft out, and sometimes moving too fast... it was as if calvin was reminiscing (sp?) over the past exprierences, and quickly jumbling over unimportant parts..
just my opinion..
still, the report deseerves no leess than an 8.... very easy read, pretty cool to follow, but just the little problem i mentioned above..
gj..
byeya
p.s-hmm, i have read "banishment" and i don't understand the sudden change in the commenting and the ratings... dream controls and the banishment's storytelling style, the way it eevolves, and the usage of words were similar... dont really understand why it got a 6. oh weell. |
| #5 Fox^1[46258] |
| csdi2-proxy.support.compaq.com |
Well I must say that I usually never read a report like this all the way through. But you did quite a good job. Unfortunately I don't find these as entertaining as normal battle reports, because there not. But it was entertaining.
8
Fox^1 |
| #6 DaRk_BerZerKer[46269] |
| d18-kt01-ktnr-pdi.attcanada.net |
awesome dude, unlike fox, i think fan fic kicks some serious ass.
Awesome job on the whole series it was cool to read |
| #7 {t4r}KronosIII - Prospective Rater[46284] |
| ci991207-b.edgewd1.ky.home.com |
Wow! The series was great! It should be published! I found it good in every way. Good luck with <i> <font color=red>Deaths Embrace</i> </font>!
-10 |
| #8 PeonSanders[46310] |
| cm-24-25-141-199.nycap.rr.com |
This shows flashes of brilliance. I had a flashback to the T.H. White book the Once and Future King in the intro... If you arent familiar with the book Art (the younger King Arthur) is turned into various different animals by Merlin, and its such a great section, where he gets "accustomed" as you say to his "new forms". I loved that part so much. Thankyou for bringing that back to me. :)
You are great when you are in starcraft, that much is certain, but when you come back out of the dream, and try some realistic dialogue it comes out really awkwardly. The ending also, fell short of the one that the series deserved. I was quite dubious of the series from the start in the sense that it was built on a dream themed cliche, but within that cliche you wrote some good stuff, and even some great prose in parts.
Thanks again for that flashback. :)
And now for the rating that no one cares about.
UGH - i just read others comments - hell this was good - but
1) - it doesnt deserved to be published, and
2)if you want to insult a writer - call his work RL steinish - RL stein is a horrible piece of crap writer - and he didnt exactly invent this type of ending. Wow that pissed me off - RL stein is horrible, so much so that i refuse to capitalise his name. END OF RANT.
im going between an 8 and a 9 hmmmm quite the quandary. This last one was a marked improvement, and
Just for that TH White flashback you get a....
9
wow a meaningless rating - whooo!!! |
| #9 <FONT COLOR=00FF00>Ryouga!</Font>[46318] |
| sfe-nm6-233.ix.netcom.com |
I've never enjoyed fiction work of any kind that breaks the 4th wall. The "waking up in the hospital" endings is so old it isn't even funny. RL Stien does suck, his books arn't scary in the least. I also found this entire series had no plot of any kind, he just.....dreamped he was in starcraft.
7 |
| #10 BW-sux[46325] |
| spider-wm086.proxy.aol.com |
This is crazy. I like it, but the ending was cheesy. You should have ended it with Calvin dying in the hospital bed, as well as in his dream.
8
BW-sux |
| #11 ::nobody::[46365] |
| dt0f4n84.san.rr.com |
Wow. I always liked fiction stories, but my only problem was that they weren't really "battlereports." This one, however, was well written AND had good battle detail. You described the events leading into the battle, and the tactics in the battle very well. It was like a very detailed segment of a battlereport, and i like that.
As for the writing, it was very well done. Great descriptions of the zerg. It is interesting to see things from a mutas POV (point of view). The only inconsistancy was Calvin calling Lost Temple a "map" hehe.
The ol "just dreaming" ending is a tad overdone, BUT i liked how you handled it. GOing into cardiac arrest (almost) and such...it had a little twist ;)
I waver between an 8 and 9, but
a) im a nice guy
b) this was better than most fanfics (and more battle oriented)
<b> 9 </b>
ciao!
Nobo |
| #12 dislekcia[46394] |
| netcache2.is.co.za |
| WOOOOOO! Yay, more Dream Control! Now to read it :) |
| #13 Limp_Bizkit666[46395] |
| PPPa72-ResaleLosAngelesMetro1-1R7088.saturn.bbn.com |
To PeonSanders:
(i'm sorry to Scream... i apologize for using your comment section to voice my opinion about something other than your BR, but i have to do this. =[)
when i say "R.L. Steinish", you could see, by my context, that i meant good...
if you hate the guy, it's YOUR opinion, and not mine... i NEVER stated in my comment that R. L stein INVENTED that type of writing.. i just used that name because he is a better known writer in our society, and i have NO IDEA what the reading level of others who visit this site is....
i could have said something about MY favorite author.. why not? but would you, or others have known about him/her? if you want to make a point, the best way to do so is by using a simple analogy... my analogy was R.L.Stein, and if you don't like him, it is NOT my problem..
i figured being famous as he is, and because he finishes ALL HIS BOOKS(over plenty hundreds) in a fashion where he leaves it to the readers' imagination, i thought it was a pretty good analogy...
Here, i would like to make another analogy... let say you were an artist. you draw, and i critique. BUT, i have no idea who you are, and no idea what you know.. the reason i critique your work? you sent me a drawing you drew....
Choice 1: i could criticize/compare your work to one of the lesser known artists who you might have NO knowledge of but fits yer style pretty much perfectly
choice 2: i could criticize/compare your work to one of the better known artists who some people knows and likes but not matches yer style at all
choice 3: i could criticize/compare your work to one of the better known artists who EVERYONE knows, and most likes, AND matches your writing style pretty well...
what would i chose? it seems like you would pick 1...
me, i would pick 3.
maybe it's just a matter of preference...i work part-time as a tutor so i have a thing with explaining things pretty simple... why would i say something that might require extra work for the listener?
oh well, hope i made sense..
byeya
p.s-i grew up on Goosebumps, and if you didn't like it as a CHILD, i don't really give a rats ass. if you were reading them at an old age, and you don't like him for his simplicity and all, i believe you are just pathetic. =] |
| #14 dislekcia[46397] |
| netcache2.is.co.za |
Just finished reading it... ROCKING!
I've also just had a few ideas for a fanfic of my own, I'll see if it turns out to be unique enough to post. I'm already looking forward to your next work(s).
-D |
| #15 PeonSanders[46430] |
| 163.153.118.127 |
| RL stein isnt an artist, thats the inherant difference |
| #16 Limp_BIzkit666[46450] |
| PPPa38-ResaleLosAngelesMetro3-3R7088.saturn.bbn.com |
dude, PeonSanders is one stupid freak....
god, do you even know wtf an analogy is? was "RL Sstein isnt an artis, thats the inherant difference" a joke?
i encountered another of your type...he was a 12 year old who didn't know what analogies were, and he couldn't understand the gist of giving examples and comparasins...
now i feel like talking to that boy again.. (boy, i love giving analogies..)
peon, DIE.
byeya
p.s-"Limp=Spammer" AKLEJELKJEFLJCL:HNJ:HNHHDSHJHD:JASHD:ASDHALKHD:AHD:KDHAJHDADHJ:ALKSLKAJFKLJLKAHSDHADJKAJKFH:KJ! |
| #17 l2ag3[46464] |
| gtw01.txed.net |
| Damn, all of these reports kick ass! Keep up the good work. later |
| #18 PeonSanders[46486] |
| cm-24-25-141-199.nycap.rr.com |
First things first. I'm 18, and I'm quite intelligent regardless of what you think. Hmmm, it appears you are the one who is confused as to what an analogy is...
You made the following associations
lesser known artist- to TH white
better known artist- to RL stein
You presented these choices as 1 and 3 as alternatives for comparison with this BR.
Stating that TH white is lesser known is debatable. TH White is a reasonable author, not the best but at least he isnt mass producing a pile of shit.
Stating that RL stein is a better known artist is a misnomer, he may be better known (rather sad), but he isnt an artist.
I dont care to be insulted by someone who knows very little about me, but if you feel some insatiable need to have a childish argument with me then go ahead.
RL steins books have a time and place, for use as wiping my ass when i take a shit. You may not like his books anymore, and they were just some phase in your childhood, but now that you are out of the phase, you should be more careful when drawing your "analogies". |
| #19 Limp_BIzkit666[46535] |
| 206.117.45.199 |
DUDE, AN ANALOGY DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE REFERRING TO THAT!
Peon, if i said "wow, you are like a basketball player" while referring to your height, i DON'T MEAN THAT YOU ARE A BASKETBALL PLAYER!
man, YOU are the one that is confused.. i said an "artist" as a person who DREW... i didn't even MENTION a writer being an artist, NOR stating that RL STEIN was an artist...
Peon, you are one wierdo... i swear..
god, if you don't like my analogies, I DON'T CARE, unless i get my message across.. but apparently, you are not "flexible" enough to understand what i was trying to say..
if you wanna linger in one sentence i wrote which wasn't even about YOU, fine, go ahead...
just wanna say "die, wierdo". =]
oh well..
byeya
p.s-scream!!!!!!!!!! |
#20  [46583] |
| as530015.infocom.com |
Limp, don't respond to this, just realize that you are officially making no sense...
Scream,
A great series.
I do feel that the ending was kind of a let down though. As a couple of other people have already stated, there never really was any type of plot developed. When I first started reading this series, I was hoping to see some kind of explanation as to why Calvin was having these dreams. This isn't something that normally happens to SC players ya know... ;-)
Anyway, you did do a good job with thses stories. They do really great as stand alone reports where a real life person experiences the world of Starcraft. There were awesome descriptions of your characters, especially Calvin who I felt like I got to know really well. However, the reports don't really fit together to make one coherent story.
I don't wanna sound too critical. This was a really great series. Just trying to give you honest feedback. I <i>am</i> looking forward to your next series.
7
Cheers,
Dref |
| #21 Limp_Bizkit666[46589] |
| 206.117.45.118 |
heh, dref... how can i pass up an oportunity to respond? =]
hmm, sorry if i don't (didn't) make sense...
i thought i was, and i tried to explain it in the easiest and the most-relatable analogies...
i was in the middle of arguing with PeonSanders, so some might not make sense... i'm sorry..
i didn't mean to delibertly confuse every visitor, but the oposite.. i wanted to show peonsanders what i felt..
you didn't ask for this response.. you even told me to NOT respond... but to me, it sounded different...
an example: "you are gay. period. don't response, cause i wouldn't care"...
i am pretty sure you didn't mean that. (hopefully. =])
just wanted to apologize.. nothing more
byeya
p.s-ARRG, I SENSE MAKE NONE!! SLOW SLOW CAR GO DOWN!!! 14 15.. YELLOW 15. HUT, HUT. HIKE! arrgg! =] |
| #22 ScreamStalker[46634] |
| 167.93.153.38 |
Limp responded against Mark's wishes...bad bad thing. Thanks for all the praise and criticism guys! Glad to know that people read it and though it was good. Huk, I am on the statistics sorter. YaY!. Damn...no more Stein comments...he makes money though...I like money. Whoa...these chicks in my computer class are talking about vibrators...cool beans. Later.
<b><font color="white"> ScreamStalker |
| #23 =CorpsE=[46652] |
| craw-cas1-cs-34.dial.bright.net |
| Iv just read all five reports ScreamI really enjoyed them.The last was my favorite.I like the 1st person egg experience.BTW wtf is "cool beans"? |
| #24 YEAH[46702] |
| AC8E684E.ipt.aol.com |
YEAH is my name.
<H6>By the way, Good BattleReport |
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