| #1 Protophobic[40728] | | pidgeotto-64.dynamic.rpi.edu | | first | | #2 Protophobic[40729] | | pidgeotto-64.dynamic.rpi.edu | | first | | #3 DivvyO[40730] | | kpcrdc.kp.org | You know, if there was some actual conflict going on, then this could be an actual battle report. Maybe about how you and your buddy-boy were swetating through traffic, never knowing if you'd make it to magic mountain in time ... or how about that civic with the custom rims and spoiler? was it real? or was it rice? who knows ...
If you want something to be a BR or at least a story, give the darned thing some conflict, darn it. Darn you, and darn your report.
Gosh darn it.
DivvyO | #4  [40764] | | as530076.infocom.com | I don't have a problem with something like Mark4's marathon report or the Judo (I think) report from awhile back because those reports/stories involve some kind of plot line. Will Mark4 finish the marathon? Will that one guy win the local Judo championship?
Although this was well written, I think it pushes the story theme just a bit too far. Nothing happened. I assume you were going with the "Crazy drive to the mountain" theme. However, nothing crazy happened. You never raced anyone. You followed a Honda Prelude for a little ways and you passed a mustang going 60 and you got your ass beat by a CLK.
In order for a story to be interesting there needs to be some sort of underlying theme and there wasn't anything like that here.
3
Dref | | #5 Strom[40824] | | ext35.mosx.com | Reasonable writing, but it was a little bit difficult to get drawn into. The multiple uses of ... and somewhat random capitalization were a little bit distracting.
Rating 4
Strom
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