| #1 p|-|3arm3[40701] |
| r-174.102.alltel.net |
| No first comment whores, no. |
| #2 p|-|3arm3[40702] |
| r-174.102.alltel.net |
Now that I have made the first comment safe from the chobo whores, I would like to say a few things:
Please tell me what you think , and give me ANY good advice you have. Please. Also, from what I have on this prologue I would like someone to please come up with a title. |
| #3 p|-|3arm3[40705] |
| r-174.102.alltel.net |
Okay I have spotted many, many, glaring grammer mistakes in this story.
Johnny, Mark, YRM, someone, deletet his please. |
| #4 p|-|3arm3[40713] |
| r-174.150.alltel.net |
| And about the mistakes... I, in my ego drivin rush to post this, didnt see those mistakes... My father read it and pointed out every mistake in the entire story. There were more of them than there are bots in NH!!! |
| #5 JimtheCar[40717] |
| cx110054-a.pwy1.sdca.home.com |
yeah there were some mistakes ;), one thing that i was wondering about was the last part
"Oh yes, if you don’t understand about these ships... The U.E.D., in Brood War, used captured Terran equipment... Other than the Valkryie we saw nothing of their actual technology, which should be several hundred years ahead of that of the Terrans... "
why would they use stolen terran stuff if they are hundreds of years ahead? |
| #6 SiegeTank[40731] |
| 145.44.68.213 |
You could imagine the UED being more advanced then the Dominion, but this is a lil' too much exaggerated. And trillions? You mean 1000.000.000.000 ppl? Ow.
I would guess the UED would be more advanced, but also because they stole Protoss technology. And when the UED was that advanced, why didnt they contact their own fleet in the Koprulu sector and pass them their new cool inventions?
The UED will still be a lot like the Terrans, but they should have crossovers. Like BattleCarriers, both employing interceptors and laser batteries.
For more weird UED stuff, check the SClegacy General forum, which has a topic called "Lets try this story thing again". It's a story written by the ppl visiting the forum, but maybe you could take some ideas from it.
Ciao, and keep up the good work!
SiegeTank |
| #7 Executor[40733] |
| cache3.ihug.co.nz |
LOL.. this story is cool.. I love SC fiction keep it up.
Even though the terran fleet has been annihilated are UED forces match for protoss which also possess advanced technology? Even more importanr question is can UED defeat the zerg swarm? Keep writing i wanna find out.
PS: I think its possible that there would be trillion humans if they occupy many planets, however n real life there would be hundreds of trillions of zerg =]
|
| #8 -={Warrior}=-[40757] |
| barney.itg.state.mn.us |
Ok, the story was great. I totally agree that the UED would be a hell of a lot more advanced than the terran dominion. The reason they used stolen terran tech is because they didn't want to frighten the primitive terrans, and they didn't want to launch there fleets from home probably because they might be having a war with another race.
But, in no way is that exaggerated. And wtf is with this stolen protoss technology? The UED expeditionary fleet never made it back home. So how the f*** did they steal tech from the toss. Think about it man, just by ourselves(humans in general) we are jumping tech gaps here and there. Why the hell would we need to steal tech from aliens when we were given a several hundred years to advance? I see no reason why we wouldn't be able to come up with technology as powerful as that. |
#9  [40762] |
| as530076.infocom.com |
Interesting description of the battle. I just don't think that this really fits into the Starcraft storyline very well which I assume is what you are trying to do.
It was an interesting prologue. I hope you know where you're going with it and plan on introducing some characters.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, this isn't a bad piece of work, but there wasn't anything here. No plot, no characters, nothing. Just a bunch of terran ships getting blown to smithereens.
4
Dref |
| #10 p|-|3arm3[40794] |
| lrar5pp33.alltel.net |
Well about the advanced thing, they DID use captured terran equipment... you are the one to capture it in one missiion if you remember...
And the time period is I'd say about 5,00 years from now... We have 6 BILLION now, the population probably wasnt 500,000,000 100 years ago.
5000 years ago it probably wasnt all that much bigger than 500,000...
And Dref, those are good points. This is just to spark interest and curiosity, so the reader will come back for more... And its kinda giving away something... BUT... Well the UED will not totally blitz through... Another unknown may happen to interfere... Really 3 more that are mentioned in BW in some shape or form.. ANd posibally 3 that would be in SC 2 |
| #11 Strom[40838] |
| ext35.mosx.com |
A pretty good story, although the battle might have been more interesting if it wasn't quite so one sided. Perhaps you could have the last two frigates trying to escape in the planet's gravity well and dying there? I only suggest this because the parenthetical "(at this point only two were left)" doesn't really work for me and I think that it would be better if the Dominion forces had a bit more character.
Spellcheckers are your friends. :)
Rating 6
Strom
|
| #12 p|-|3arm3[40859] |
| lrar6pp49.alltel.net |
| As I said, this is just a prologue to spark interest, and like I mentioned in the story they were caught COMPLETELY off guard, they would have paniced and not thought to flee. |
| #13 <font color=yellow> |]agomar[40879] |
| 139.57.128.243 |
trillions is right.
billions of people for hundreds or thousands of planets . . . a galactic empire would have quintillions or quadrillions.
Nice br, BTW, WTG! |
| #14 <font face="Tahoma" color="blue">frickinfirebat</font>[70004] |
| A030-0430.MLE2.splitrock.net |
I liked the story. but...
You used massive way to much in the first sentence. oh well....im just gay i guess.
5
ciao! |
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