| #1 mwuahhah[40136] |
| mkc-246-115.kc.rr.com |
| wow take this all u first comment whores |
#2  [40138] |
| 1Cust25.tnt28.tco2.da.uu.net |
| Cool =] |
| #3 bongoloid[40139] |
| fw8.intuit.com |
| Excellent. Best report I've read. Please keep them coming. |
| #4 ~Naveed~[40142] |
| pcp017747pcs.tc.tufts.edu |
Excellent, excellent stuff! =) Keep it up man, it's a great read! 9 all the way!
~Naveed~ |
| #5 Executor[40144] |
| cache3.ihug.co.nz |
| That report rocked! More.. I want more!!! |
| #6 [{o}][40146] |
| dialup-209.246.83.101.NewYork2.Level3.net |
| All of the above. Only reccomendation (did i spell that right, I'm normally a good speller) is to spice up the text. I dunno what else you can do with this except take screenshots huk huk. Its almost flawless! |
| #7 [{o}][40147] |
| dialup-209.246.83.101.NewYork2.Level3.net |
| For real though, this was really awesome... |
| #8 angrysalad[40148] |
| 209-30-176-248.flash.net |
| fun to read and fluff |
| #9 Mogalin[40152] |
| cgowave-0-224.cgocable.net |
| <b>:)</b> |
| #10 Greybeard[40153] |
| xs3-60.speedsite.com |
| You have no life. Very gay report. |
| #11 ScreamStalker[40155] |
| slip-32-100-234-167.ca.us.prserv.net |
| Thanking everyone once again for their generous praise. This part was much more fun to write for some reason, and I am already itching to start on Section C. As for you greybeard, just because I choose to spend a portion of my free time using my imagination and English skills doesn't mean I have no life. I play sports, I have a girlfriend, I go out. If you want to criticise me, go ahead, but at least give some half-assed reason besides the fact that you couldn't spell hatchery if your life depended on it. Thanks again Dref. |
| #12 Dark[40158] |
| d20-kt02-ktnr-pdi.attcanada.net |
| yea, awesome story, amke more dammit!! |
| #13 BengalaasMan[40159] |
| ce-stjh-01-04-e0.cbl.nf.net |
Great job. Even better than the first one. If you keep these coming, they'll be my new favorite series:)
Congrats! |
| #14 [40164] |
| 1Cust25.tnt28.tco2.da.uu.net |
| I want to see what Praetor thought of this. I think I'll reserve my in depth comments until he makes his. |
| #15 Deputy Cartman[40166] |
| dlls-cache2-e0.txucom.net |
| That was the gayest piece of shit I've ever read |
| #16 <FONT COLOR=FF0000>RS.anime(RS)</FONT>[40167] |
| sfe-nm6-213.ix.netcom.com |
I fell this is very cliched.Dream Sequences have been done to death. And this is very Predictable, i imagine that the character will be a zerg unit of some type.
I also fell that your insult towards Greybeard was uncalled for. How do you know if he can't spell "hatchery", You know nothing of his vocabulary, or intellegence. Although He did insult you in a Turse, rude manner, you had no right to imply that he is stupid because he insulted you.
|
| #17 ^~CrOnO~^[40177] |
| ts1-39.f1811.quebectel.com |
Great story man!
And don't worry the guys insulting you Scream, everyone know you're right. |
| #18 Baxter-O'Bixby[40249] |
| adsl-63-195-119-107.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
Hehe. Turse. Hehehehe...
This is good stuff (hell, the medic made MY face turn red)... and would I be right in guessing it's a homage to the Phoenix Legion Chronicles? Same map anyway... like Mark, I am curious to hear what .Praetor thinks. ;-)
Greybeard is stupid, by the way. I once watched for hours as he tried to spell "hatchery" in nohunters. Wish I'd taken screenshots. |
| #19 dislekcia[40252] |
| netcache2.is.co.za |
I'm interested to see how you descibe the zerg (which I assume is coming next).
Oh, Greybeard and "little friend": I R inslut you, I R smart. Ehehehe, duh.
-D |
| #20 ScreamStalker[40262] |
| 167.93.53.212 |
hehe, thanks for all your backup guys. I wasn't trying to imitate .Praetor or anyone else's fiction if that's what you're thinking. As for dream sequences being overdone...well I haven't seen any other dream related StarCraft stories that I can recall. No the next chapter will not be Zerg and no I didn't change it because someone called it. I will possibly be writing a zerg chapter. Hell, I didn't even realize that PlC was on Ashrigo until I reread one of the chapters. I am glad some of you enjoyed it though. keep the comments coming.
ScreamStalker |
| #21 Hsiadaddy[40277] |
| buster.hillsborough.k12.nj.us |
Can u do a porno type of report between calvin and skinner?
that would be coool.
or send it to the people that want it |
| #22 <FONT COLOR=FF0000>RS.anime(RS)</FONT>[40280] |
| ladpm1-27.swcp.com |
| Um yuck, that is the most preverted thing i've ever seen in a comments section, except those done(and probably deleted) by Dr scribble. |
| #23 Hellfire[40285] |
| edtn013383.hs.telusplanet.net |
| Nice report! Can't wait for the next one! |
| #24 ScreamStalker[40358] |
| slip-32-100-234-128.ca.us.prserv.net |
Actaully, Peon, thats probably the best criticism I've ever recieved. Don't worry, you didn't come off as an asshole to me. I suppose you are right about it being cliched, but it was kind of the only way for me to create the theme I was going for. I am going to try to mix it up in Section C. You will see how. No, I am not a newbie writer, and when i look back on Section A, I too am like...christ...that sucked, I could have done so much better. Thanks for the comments though, I liked them alot. I actually am thinking about pausing Dream Control for now to write a small installment in another story, I don't know how long it is going to be though, and I dont want two stories going on at the same time. As for the flat world, that was the hardest thing to describe so instead I left it to the reader's imagination and focused more on character description and developement. No outstanding writing you say? Read .Praetor's Phoenix Legion Chronicles if u haven't already. Great stuff. Thanks again for comments.
ScreamStalker |
#25  [40535] |
| as530065.infocom.com |
Hi Screamstalker, sorry it took me so long to read this. It usually takes a bit more motivation for me to "get up" for a long, text only report. I'm glad I did for this one though, it is very well written. The detail in it was a lot better this time and the creative way that the gollie chose to destroy the dark templar and save the medic was a very creatvie way to end the chapter.
However, like Peon, I have a problem with the direction you seem to be heading with the dream sequence theme. I complained about this indirectly in the comments section of your last report, but I didn't go into detail because I hoped that in section B, you would remedy the situation by explaining in more detail the plot behind the dreams. Why is he having these dreams? Who is responsible for them? Will the dreams begin to effect his real life? etc. etc. etc.
In my opnion, if you don't develop the plot a little more, you will end up with a lot of short stories connected only by this "dream sequence" theme but having no other real relation. That would be a shame since you've done such a good job developing the main character. In order to turn this into one coherent story there should be more of a plotline that one can follow.
Don't get me wrong though, both of these installments have been very well written and enjoyable to read. They've made a great addition to the site and they are, of course, your stories so you can do whatever you want with them. These are simply my opinions on where I would like to see you go with them.
Keep up the good work.
8
Dref |
| #26 jsdx2004[155967] |
| YahooBB219215208077.bbtec.net |
| Awesome work, man, but there are a couple of major flaws: 1. Ranks. How did Marines, Medics, and Goliaths alike suddenly become Lieutenants? 2. Hmm . . . dang. Anyway, great. It was really fun to read. now, to find Section: A . . . |
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