| #1 Limp_Bizkit666 (99-pool1.ras10.calan.agisdial.net)[20080] |
|
hehe, I READ THIS, so i DESERVE the comment #1...
hehe, one more week, and the BETTER things will come...
the story is about half way done, and more might be added spontaneously...
well, hope you liked it...i'm trying my best...
i thought about making a UMS picture with the battles, what do you think? for example, "12 templars gathered to create..." i can make 12 templars storm a big ass area, and i could insert it...
if you guys would like that, i could try..
thanks for reading....
your servant,
byeya.. and i'll keep it UP! |
| #2 Laean (dtkim.reshall.ucsd.edu)[20085] |
|
| First non-authur comment! Off to read the story! |
| #3 Laean (dtkim.reshall.ucsd.edu)[20086] |
|
| Dude this is good. I just wish the battles were longer. =) |
| #4 Just one persons opinion (ludwig.etek.chalmers.se)[20090] |
|
| I think you write great, and really let ppl feel what Raynor is going through, but I think you should take a look at what the troops of the game would be in reallity. For example, an infantry-unit in the game is probably supposed to represent several units in "reallity". Then the lurkers attacks as far as marines in the game. Modern rifles can fight at 1200 feet, not 30... IMHO this is what to be looked at, but else, its great! Make the stories longer is my only other critisism ;-) |
| #5 Annie47 (spider-tr044.proxy.aol.com)[20094] |
|
Well i certainly liked it, but you don't want me to just sit here and say "it was nice" do you?
First things first, Nice first person perspective, you can do a lot with those =]
Secoundly, leave my protoss alone!
Thiridly, The transition from trainie to commander was rather short.
Fourthly, is fourthly a word? Anyways, The battle was well writtten I think, So raynor was taken captive right? The Protoss goal is to also kill the overmind, so maybe they should strike a deal 8)
Good job on the story, Mr Advertiesment :P
Annie47 |
| #6 ccf-22 (hoproxy2.proxy.lucent.com)[20121] |
|
ok here we go. first off i think u need to work on that transition like annie said it was rather short put more in to it. next, try to put more detail in the battles just try to look at the movie on b/w use that as an example that kicked big ass. but other than this stuff it rocks keep it up.
P.S.:check word usage too it seems a little off |
| #7 loserboye (BESS3.cbe.ab.ca)[20147] |
|
| nice story though it was a little too short and as that one person said the difference between the game and real life could be made smaller |
| #8 loserboye (BESS3.cbe.ab.ca)[20148] |
|
| ignore last comment i didn't know what i was talkn about (though the story was niceb but too short) |
| #9 Limp_Bizkit666 (nas-20-187.la.navinet.net)[20227] |
|
well,as you know, this is how i write...
first some parts in the story not so long ago, (virtually present) and a part of the story that is in the past...
as you see, i started the story with Jim as a child, and while he was riding a vulture...
the story proceeded as Jim grew up, all in the mean while the events in the present advancing....
the transition is not over yet.....sorry if that was not clear...Jim is a general in the present, but i'm only to a part where he startes in a vulture.....i will elaborate more on the past, while continuing on the Jim's effort to kill the zerg....
the story will still got longer so don't worry about that, and to comment on the dude who thought the lurkers should be attacking 1200 feet?
okay...this was my logic...the marines on BW are about 6 feet....if i'm using that scale on-screen, lurker's attack range is not 1200 feet, not marine's high-tech rifles....
if the marines should fire at up to 1200 feet, using the scale BW use, it should have a reach longer than a tank....so that was my thinking, and i know it differs in reality...sorry about that...
next chapter is on the way so don't worry.//
byeya |
| #10 QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ (1Cust109.tnt1.framingham.ma.da.uu.net)[20234] |
|
| a |
| #11 Limp_Bizkit666 (nas-20-187.la.navinet.net)[20238] |
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damn, ihave quite a few mistakes up there..hehe
i was in a hurry, and couldn't spent a minute to check my work....sorry if i was more confusing...
hehe, anyways, have fun....
byeya |
| #12 dumps (link.rh.imsa.edu)[20322] |
|
| this story is the gayest thing i have seen for a long time. |
#13  (fjwilson.reshall.uc[20389] |
|
What I want to know is the galactic political forces involved here. What terran faction is Raynor fighting for? Are light and dark templar co-operating?
I remain confused =(. |
| #14 Limp_BIzkit666[49861] |
| 204.140.185.225 |
i was about to say that prae hates me, but i was disced and had to reconnect..
so, "PRAE DOESN"T LIKE ME"..
heehe
oh well
byeya
p.s-hmmmm.... prae needs to appreciate what is written, not what is not written. .=] |
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