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#1 MIkeyMonty (spider-ti054.proxy.aol.com)[10763]
"Okay people, everybody out of the hot tub. Now! Annie, Emma, Kei and Ivy."
Hahahaha, that's an awesome line.
#2 <img "http://www.3dgraphicworks.com/jwp/hc.jpg"> (office-193.x.beyond.com)[10764]
This game was BRUTAL! There's some things that I'll touch on real quick:

Dropping marines on his tanks to get them to kill each other;

He expertly nibbled at my large infantry formations with cloaked wraiths going in and out;

His two powerful drops at my main that could have spelled disater for me.

On a play perspective, this was a 10/10. I'm beat. I'm going home.

-HC









#3 T_Mac (ts7-94t-23.idirect.com)[10765]
nice

#4 Pitt (res6486.student.nd.edu)[10766]
Perfect 10. PERFECT FUCKING TEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#5 JSH (nscs11p6.remote.umass.edu)[10769]
Wow, that really was brutal.
#6 Slicer aka Hagbard Celine (ip48.portland11.or.pub-ip.psi.net)[10771]
It had no flashy graphics.

It had only a few cheesy lines (okay, a lot, but some original ones)

It was well-written, but fairly short.

I gave it a 9 anyway. Damn, finally something new, a report that is so involving I actually bother to *read* it...





#7 (60.np2.np.dialup.nau[10778]
Bloodied and broken at the hands of SnowSquall... YourRoleModel is forced into early retirement. Who will pick up the slack at battlereports.com? Will anyone be able to bring entertainment to the masses...

Out of the mudhole stomped in YRM by the evil SnowSquall, comes Heartcutter, Pitt, Bob_the_Newt, Fractal, Necrosausage, and more...

Bravo! Heartcutter talks like such a badass... it be awesome if, in real life, he was 5 foot 4 inches tall and 98 pounds soaking wet. Somehow, I doubt it.

This is your best report in a while Heartcutter, and it was Mark4's links to your reports that brought me to the site in the first place.

You make me want to click adds in appreciation!







#8 Phuckin-Rhetard (ip172.tucson4.az.pub-ip.psi.net)[10780]
(this comment deleted)
#9 SnowSquall (a11c050.neo.rr.com)[10782]
Great job HC, both in the game and the report! I had a game yesterday with Fractal on Showdown where we were both terran, and it went much along the same lines, except neither of us can micro (or macro) like you two can. I ended up having a lot of infantry, ghosts to lockdown anything mechanical, and used tactical nukes as well.

I love BR's like this because they illustrate tactics very well for a whole map. i.e. conceed the islands and take everything else, and so on. Personally on LT I've grown less fond of taking the islands because they're harder to defend, at least in my opinion. (unless you're zerg and have a nydus)

And now I have to go click some ads, because I'll never be the same until YRM comes back..


#10 Nutling (6.san-diego-15-20rs.ca.dial-access.att.net)[10785]
Is it just me or do the colors on the mini-map not match?
#11 Pitt (res6486.student.nd.edu)[10793]
damn it who was the whore that didn't 10 you?! WTF!!!!!!!!
#12 Pitt (res6486.student.nd.edu)[10794]
Honestly WTF people?! Writers have different styles! Not every report is going to be funny pictures filled with funny allusions to Monty Python, homosexuality, and Ricky Martin (YRM You rock but the graders suck goat hooves that have trucked through 3 foot deep ogre shit)

EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN STYLE! Heart's style kicks major ass. Heartcutter is the Lethal Weapon type writer. Grade him accordingly. This BR kicked ass. If you don't like Lethal Weapon like BR's and prefer something ala Monty Python, please still grade a BR accordingly.

In short the graders are forcing most of the writers into little YRM clones (and by simple laws of science each copy is just not going to be as good as the original) SO STOP IT ALREADY AND GIVE THIS FUCKING REPORT A MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING ASS SMACKING COCK MASTERFUL TEN!!!!!!
#13 Pitt (res6486.student.nd.edu)[10795]
Oh by the way. If you only like YRM style BR's just wait till my report ala "A Clockwork Orange" is prepped. Prepare to be grossed out, entertained, shocked, and delighted. Also I'll be using my PHAT html skills (laugh) so die. I AM A COMPUTER ENGINEERING MAJOR IN ROTC I DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAKE ANYTHING NEARLY AS COOL AS HEART OR YRM OR CB BUT WITH THIS ONE.... THIS ONE I'M PUTTING MY SOUL INTO. I HAVE A DARK AND CROOKED ANALYTICAL SOUL. BE READY.
#14 Von Doom (fridge2.volvo.se)[10797]
Whoa..
At last HC is back!!
Several BR´s in the last week??
He was the only one I bothered to read reports of in the beginning of this site.. but now HC is doin´a marvelous work.. That Micro!! DAAAMN... astounding..
BTW..

Moo.
#15 TheRubberDucky (dfiatx100-044.dsl.gtei.net)[10799]
BTW, about the minimap colors, pressing SHIFT-TAB will make all your allies look yellow, you look green, and evil 1 eyed serpent opponents look red. It's also helpful when your bastard opponent decided to go ahed and be brown.
#16 Ash (adsl-216-103-251-20.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net)[10800]
Battles like these are why I call Heartcutter "The Master." That and the fact that he talks like he's spent 20 years in the secret service or something. Anyone who can take 600+ casualties and win is a 100% pure, homogenized, accept-no-substitutes Grade A bad-ass.
Still, I wouldn't rate this report a ten, and I'll tell you why: it's a little too concise for my tastes. Granted, that's Heart's style, and I love him for it, but I'm a greedy bastard and I wanted to hear more about the epic battles that must have gone on during that hour he mentioned. So I would have to give this report a mere 9.95. ;-)
Btw, what happened to Cletus? Does it really take him that long to get a haircut?
Oh, and YRM, I picture Heart as standing about 6'1", weighing in at lean and mean 190 lbs, and having eyes the color of gun metal. Am I close?
#17 Whoop (pool0889.cvx26-bradley.dialup.earthlink.net)[10806]
Oh man....wow....awesome....that picture of the nuke made tears come to my eyes.
#18 Bob the Newt (2428hfc35225.tampabay.rr.com)[10809]
Kickass BR heart, normaly I don't care for BR's this style, but somehow you pull it off. BTW I just realized you're like that only semi-famous NH guy that hasn't owned me yet. We gotta play sometime.
#19 Pitt (res6486.student.nd.edu)[10813]
heh the funniest description I ever heard of me was "an angry black man." I think that one gets attributed to whoop :) hehehe I guess I owe that type of attitude to my public schooling in a medium sized industrial city :) However, I'm slowly losing my old vernacular while here at whitey central I mean good 'ol Notre Dame :)

Wesley Willis will be featured in my next BR :)


#20 YourRoleModel (relay.atinc.com)[10817]
Pitt, before you get all up in arms at the judges for not 10.0ing Heartcutter because (he didn't use my style) please consider that I got one 10. Ever. One. Personally, I think I could have gotten tens on about 4 or 5 reports, so I don't look at this report getting an insulting 9.0 as a total travesty. (and no, I didn't rate it yet)

The only time I did get a ten was on a FFA report (which was rarely seen) with animated gifs (a first on this site?) and an animated minimap battle (another first?)... so I guess what I am saying is that it's freakin impossible to get a 10 without a lot of luck and too freakin much work.

I am regularly given nines by at least two raters for absolutely huge amounts of work. I know you aren't trying to bash me, but I am noticing a disturbing trend of pidgeon-holing me into a Monty Python, Speech Balloon, Picture whore when it's not really the case. My last report was over five pages of text in a word processor.

Anyway, I loved this report, I loved Pitt's last effort. Frankly... I'm not seeing all these YRM clones that everyone seems to be mentioning lately. If there are a few, so freakin what? I based my early style on Heartcutter, as a jumping off point... fortunately, I didn't get people bashing me for being a Heartcutter clone, or I may have figured, "why bother".

So let's all relax and click the ads.
#21 MasterOfMordor (cacheengine1.mosquitonet.com)[10820]
Tell ya' what YRM. If you keep reminding me (and everyone else) I'll click the banners everyday, like a nice little boy. So don't stop.

Click the ads-MasterOfMordor
#22 Pitt (res6486.student.nd.edu)[10821]
YRM you know I'm not bashing you! I would have given almost all of your BR's 10's. The raters here are being moronic. I'm sorry but they are. A couple of them are being those one or two judges at the olympics who give a 9.0 when everyone else gives a 10.0.

Here's an idea for rating reports. I used to compete in poetry slams back home and since a raters/judge model always follows that stupid olympic one, the poetry slam operators would drop the highest and lowest score. Of course all the scores were given at about the same moment, so this would be painless to figure out. Here, however people rate as they please and when they please so it may present a problem. A simple if/else statement that would do a normal arithmatic mean up until (max-2) raters, then switch to the FAIR rating algorithm once the max amount of people have rated the BR would be great.

I'm just getting pissed when I read the comments and people knock Heart for his lack of super pics and stuff like that. HC has a totally different style from everyone here. I've read his other BR's, and I think one other deserved a ten. This one was great. It was great writing, an awesome battle, and SWEET fucking pics. No captions or speech bubbles necessary. I wanna find out who these english and russian judges are because I know they keep docking you and HC and all the other upper-epshilon BR'ers one point because:
1.) Russian rater docks a point for no War&Peace referances
and
2.) English judge prefers the Ol English speech to American modern!

Heh that's my two cents. Sorry YRM if I sounded like an angry black man :) I've been up since 6 yesterday and I have 1 hour to type the last page of my philo paper!



BYE NOW!
#23 Pitt (res6486.student.nd.edu)[10823]
oh yeah BTW YRM I'm just saying that you're this summer's austin powers movie and when some good action movie came along this summer (this = HC but I can't think of some good action movie this summer -- hence the austin powers effect) everyone still is comparing it to austin powers, because AP had everything!
YRM you live up to your handle in everywhere, I'm just saying the raters are being closed-minded little whores and the english and russian graders will soon be dragged by a horse over a tree stump farm :)
#24 Necrosausage! (N039P002.dipool.highway.telekom.at)[10824]
Whoaaa! And I thought Terran vs Terran was the most boring matchup you can get - now its appearently Zerg vs Zerg :)

Brutal battle, its really cool to see that two top-Terran, going for 2 totally different branches of the Terran tech tree, can have such a close game - incredible

Damn Heartcutter. Just yesterday I decided to drop random and go only Protoss again, but if I read this report it sounds as playing Terran would be sooooo cool if you dont suck at it...

#25 Thundercracker (80.milwaukee-01-02rs16rt.wi.dial-access.att.net)[10830]
I may be in the minority here but the thought of Heartcutter in a tub of chlorinated water splashing about with some moistened tarts trying to ( apparentely) gain some sort of sexual favor in order to procreate truly frightens me. Little heartcutters....((shivers)) makes Blair witch look like disney.

Toodles : )
#26 ~CB~ (buri.campus.vt.edu)[10840]
I don't give YRM 9.0's on a regular basis. I rated two YRM reports. Both were excellent.

One I gave a 10.0.

One I gave a 9.0.

I've gotten 8's and 9's before, they're numbers. I'd rather have the satisfaction of knowing that people enjoyed reading my reports, rather than a number that's going to scroll off the first page in a few days anyhow.

Personally, I'm glad to see judges sticking to their guns and rating the way they see the report, rather than everyone giving everyone else a 10 because "everyone else thinks its a good report".

We could do a Siskel&Ebert and just give every reporter that clicks the banner "two thumbs up" (or one thumb now, as the case may be), but then what would the point of rating be?

As for this report, I gave it a 9.0. It was a very good report. Nicely written, but a little concise and abrupt for such a brutal game. <I>9.0 is not a bad rating!</I>
#27 <img "http://www.3dgraphicworks.com/jwp/hc.jpg"> (office-193.x.beyond.com)[10842]
I'm glad everyone's liking the report. Here is another think I've been thinking:

IMHO Pound for Pound (cost v. benefit), the best units are:

5. Corsair
4. Mutalisk
3. High Templar
2. Zergling

And the #1 Pound for Pound badass, the one that all others must eventually bow down to is....





1. Marine

You knew it was coming. Hehe.
#28 YourRoleModel (relay.atinc.com)[10844]
See? Cattlebruiser admits it!!! He irrationally goes cavorting around, flinging piles of horrible ratings (like 9.0s) around. He abused his power to soil this otherwise fine report!

Actually ~CB~ I know you aren't the only one to give me a nine on those few reports I've had that broke 9.5, and I also know you didn't rate all my reports. It's just fun picking on you. I am holding a pocketfull of retributive 9.0s for you... prepare to wince in misery when you report again, crying yourself to sleep when you think about how much work you put into that report... AND I'LL BLAST IT WITH A NINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Numbers may not mean much to you, but my lifeforce is sustained by ratings and comments (also banner clicks...)
#29 ~CB~ (buri.campus.vt.edu)[10845]
If I post my four-pool BR, will you give me a retributive 9 YRM? :)

I clicked the banner today.
#30 YourRoleModel (relay.atinc.com)[10846]
Heartcutter... I can't believe Siege Tanks didn't make your list, but Mutas did.

Here is my list of the top five pound for pound asskickers:
5 - The Valkrie
4 - Infested Terrans
3 - Late Game Vultures
2 - Wraiths vs towers
1 - Archons vs Terran w EMP

(honorary mention: Hydras vs 3/3 marines and medics)
#31 Mark4 (strangers.bragg.army.mil)[10853]
I think infested terrans kick ass. Well, I would if I had ever seen one.
#32 <img "http://www.3dgraphicworks.com/jwp/hc.jpg"> (office-193.x.beyond.com)[10857]
Doh!

There's one point I forgot to mention on the BR. When he dropped me with the BCs and the 3 dropships full of marines, I had to nuke my own base to get him off of me. That was cool. I took down a cruiser and was able to damage the others. Then my marines had a chance to get him.
I locked them down REPEATEDLY, but he kept restoring them with his damn medics.

Also, he had 0/0 marines in the mix. They didn't last long at all against my 3/3 hombres.

-HC
#33 +Goofy+ (139.182.170.84)[10859]
This comment really belongs on the chat page -- but I couldn't get it to work . . .

About the rating of reports:

I have been surprised by some of the ratings of the best reports that have been posted in the last month or so. I realize that to give everyone 10s would diminish the value of getting a 10; that the point of the rating system is to separate the good from the mediocre or poor; and that "10" is just a "number" -- but there have been times when it seems like the bar has been raised for some writers. YRM for sure, and maybe Heart as well.

The site administrators and judges do a hell of a job on this page -- I don't want to imply otherwise -- but I'm afraid that for each future YRM report to get a 10 he'll have to come up with another freaky innovation for each one.

Likewise, Heart's report is as good as anything posted in the first few months of this site's existence, several of which received 10s. Alas, no 10 this time.

To the raters: I realize the the writing overall has improved dramatically, but basically, I'm asking that you do the best you can to rate everyone on the same scale. I'm afraid that if the top writers keep having to outdo themselves to attain the same score, at some point the effort will not be worth the results, and I'll miss out on some good reading. :)

Time to light me up, Rhetard.
#34 DarkHawke (stj208.nf.sympatico.ca)[10863]
Im sorry heart but zerglings rock corsairs=[.
Damit man what you talking about.
Tanks rock scouts sooo badly.

And you said deon cant attack air!
WELL IN MY NEXT REPORT HE WILL HAVE JUMP JETS! AND START SINGING LASTKISS BY PEARL JAM
DEON " WHERE OR WHERE CAN MY MEDIC BE? SHES GONE TO HEAVEN SO IVE GOT TO BE GOOD, SO I CAN SEE MY MEDIC WHEN I LEAVE THIS WORLD"
MWMWMAHAH :)
#35 Necrosausage! (N204P014.dipool.highway.telekom.at)[10866]
I already said this: who really cares about ratings if you reach the 9-10 regions of the scale?

If my report gets 9.x and 40 replies, and YRMs gets 9.x and 140 replies, you know which one is better dont you?
#36 HardDrive99 (eag40481.corp.novatel.ca)[10874]
Nah... Necrosausage it just means YRM commented on his own post more then you did. 8^) (At least he isn't a comment whore like Whoop!!)

Not everyone is going to get 10's and a 9+ is a very good mark for any BR. How many 9+ BR's are there on this site? Not many... and all by the most exceptional of BR authors.

HD
#37 HolyAnarchy{GK} (spider-tf074.proxy.aol.com)[10876]
Ok, this was a very nicely written report. But it lacked some pictoral aspect, err...yeah. Anywho, I think the raters like Cutter to much. Great written, not so great pics. 8.5
#38 T_Mac (ts7-60t-6.idirect.com)[10880]
Erm, the scarab only costs 15 minerals ! hahaha, got you all !
#39 Blade101 (MMPHB102-46.splitrock.net)[10884]
Hahahaha pearl jam is cool
#40 YourRoleModel (relay.atinc.com)[10888]
Who said I comment alot? Grrr....
#41 Jimmie (mg139-071.ricochet.net)[10900]
I am new to this site, but after reading a couple reports, I must say that this was a great report. Even if the style had not been exactly to my taste, the fact that he had personalized some of the units and still so calously order them to their deaths is something remarkable in and of itself.

#42 Call me crazy but... (pom-dhcp-90-9.pomona.edu)[10906]
i didn't think it was that great of a report. Maybe that's just me.
#43 T_Mac (ts7-37t-8.idirect.com)[10916]
CRAZY
#44 Ash (adsl-216-103-251-20.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net)[10918]
Seeing as both Heart and YRM made top 5 lists, I'll attempt to leach off of their coolness with a list of my own....

The Top 5 One-on-one, head-to-head, mano-y-mano matchups....

5.)Battlecruiser vs. scourge
4.)Infested terran vs. zergling
3.)Seige Tank vs. Guardian
4.)Marine vs. Ultralisk (with armor upgrade)

and the all time greatest one-on-one battle is....


1.) Zealot vs. Valkrie
#45 Fractal_Wave (proxy1.gvcl1.bc.wave.home.com)[10927]
Heartcutter is 6'3, weighs in at just over 200 pounds, looks like mel gibson crossed with harrison ford, has a wife at every IP, dark green eyes, salt & pepper hair, and carries a saw-off shot gut a la Ash from <i>Army of Darkness</i>

He's my hero, and the guy who makes playing terran SO. MUCH. FUN.

Even if he wastes 611 marines.
;)

All the best,
Fractal_Wave
#46 Persian-POW (proxy2-external.rdc1.az.home.com)[10950]
Heartcutter is a giant tourist eating african gorrila with 50 wives and 285 children.
#47 Mr. Merf (dial-up246.twistedpair.net)[10953]
From Black's Law Dictionary, 6th Edition: "Rating n. 1. An appraisement of worth 2. the words of God and the meaning of BR writing, often argued to be worth killing for"

C'mon, 10.0 is a PERFECT rating. In my mind, it's unattainable. I think the 10.0 should theoretically be reserved for THE report. And there can't be any THE reports. So there it is, eh?=P
#48 Mr. Merf (dial-up246.twistedpair.net)[10954]
And it should go without saying, but I will: This report RULED!=:-]
#49 Mark4 (1Cust163.tnt28.tco2.da.uu.net)[11039]
For THE report look at YRM's world war threeway ffa. It basically made the site. That's when our hits went from 7,000 or so a day to double that on average.
#50 <img "http://www2.vo.lu/homepages/davies/warphead.gif"> (johnny.bath.ac.uk)[11121]
Hmm... reminds me of StarShip Troopers...

"Navy does the flyin', M.I. (Mobile Infantry) does the dyin'"

It certainly seemed to be the case. =)

However, although this report had lots of style, it isn't all that good on the battle details...

8.5, because it's not a battle report as much as a full-fledged short story...
#51 +Goofy+ (139.182.170.84)[11285]
Ya, gotcha on that M4. But for YRM to top the world war threeway, he's gonna have to add on his next report an .mpg of a Bengelass climbing out of the monitor and tearing off your balls. And damn, that's gonna take a LOT of time to load up.
#52 Johnny_Vegas (dial-in27.mach7.com)[11289]
Nice Report HC. Very cool, that you actually won using hard infantry against wraiths and tanks. However you are the master of lockdown. =]

Shit, that reminds me I never posted your "Heartcutter's Lockdown Training" map. Arg.. Sorry.

As for the rating, people take those too seriously. I don't think HC care's much about the rating to be honest. I don't really. He'd rather have people comment on the strat's he used in the game, than on people whining that he didnt get a 10. Oh and BTW that nuke hitting the 10 tanks was BAD ASS. =]
#53 fractal_kakaru (proxy.tct.net)[11440]
i hereby enter the competition for the best best_unit_table;

5.tanks
4.devourers (w/ mutas)
3.medarines (even better:medhydras)
2 The excellent, the majestic... High Templar

And here it is, the pain-in-the-ass, the spellcaster that leaves you wincing on the floor:
The Science vessel. Everything glowing or what?
#54 Tagus[22871]
sac-ca41-12.ix.netcom.com
From Tagus: (read: sorry-ass (now) terran player)

If I could, I would . . . .
rate this report a ten.

And I don't give A+'s lightly. (Mostly because I take after pissed-off TA's who never got so now never give . . . u get the point.)

this BR is by far the best I have ever read. Why?

1. As I'm drifting off to sleep, I recall the many lines of fictional context ("'Bork, go warm up the armor. I want you sorted out and rock steady.' 'And for God sakes Cletus, get a haircut!' 'And somebody get me a towel!' ")

2. I have learned so much from it. How to counter wraiths (admittedly, the hard way), use marines, scout, give ground for strategic advantage, lock their sorry asses down, etc.

3. It's real. Did anyone else hear the claxons resounding through the CC, calling the great tactical master from his pimping?

4. The strategies are supreme. (No, this is not #2 again.) reading sorry-ass BR's about how some dumb punk 6-pool rushed and killed a 'toss in 4 min. is boring. If you're gonna write a BR, write a good one--about a great game. Otherwise, don't waste my time.

My rating? 10 of 10. No doubt. Supreme tactics and prose skill. (prose means "writing" for all you blockheads who failed English 1A)

Heartcutter, I hope you read this.

And then write more. I want Strategies from the master, and I want them now! I'm hooked. If ever I could obs. one of your games, I'd never ask for anything for Christmas ever again.

Comments welcome. Tagusian@ix.netcom.com
#55 TheCabbit[25004]
bgm-57-110.stny.rr.com
aP_Taktiks = my god
Heartcutter = my terran demigod =]
you both ownz and inspired me enough that i beat my friend 4-0 using terran =D 3 times with HM against Toss and then with infantry/tanks/containment against zerg. omg =] im so happy =]
hee =D
#56 |]agomar[99747]
Ottawa-ppp3517259.sympatico.ca
best battlereport I ever read. 10.
#57 EldritchEvil[116936]
nr11-216-196-186-186.fuse.net
Last post.
#58 RockForce[118989]
spider-wp051.proxy.aol.com
Yea right, me last =P
#59 CyMaN[123240]
p50806BAA.dip.t-dialin.net
Heartcutter!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#60 CyMaN[125898]
pD9E0A39F.dip.t-dialin.net
read it over and over again, heartcutter the site needs u!!!

wc3 reports suck ass compared to that
#61 CyMaN[138573]
pD95233DF.dip.t-dialin.net
Its thuesday the 3rd April 2003 00:18 o'clock.

War is upon us with the brits and Americans attacking Iraaq, but where is our Heartcutter ?! :((

I want more reports, even if they are in word style with 2 pictures at the end.
#62 KD[148524]
host-64-65-193-35.spr.choiceone.net
HOLY FUCKING SHIT 10 MUTHAFUCKA 10!!!!!!!!!!
#63 Desert Demon[149653]
user-0ce2kvt.cable.mindspring.com
I still say the marine is the best unit in the game for its cost...

Or the SCV :P

May 31st, 2004.
#64 wushugene[158392]
pool-138-88-138-124.esr.east.verizon.net
one of my favorite reports

May 18, 2005.
#65 PeaceableGhost[160671]
69.216.106.114
Great Report (just to be redundant).

14 August, 2005



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